I want to remember every expression and every giggle. I want to remember the faces Jamesie makes eating certain foods, and how excited he gets splashing around in the bathtub. Before I became a mother I never knew just how quickly children grow and change. He develops more each day - his looks, his habits, his thoughts, his understanding... even his voice - he is progressing so swiftly right before my eyes. To see him grow from month to month is simply amazing. But it is also scary how easy it is to forget these things... How much I have already forgotten.
There are so many fleeting images I want to capture and hold onto forever. My camera is always by my side (especially now that my iPhone's camera is broken!), and I try to steal away these little moments of Jamesie's daily life. I have mentioned before that this blog is a place for me to record my memories of Jamesie, but it is also a place for me to see how I change as a mother. Jamesie transforms before my eyes everyday; constantly reaching new milestones in his short life. As much as he has changed as a baby, I have come into my own as his mother.
Motherhood came very naturally to me. Before having Jamesie, I had literally never been around any babies. I am the last born in my family, and I do not have any younger cousins or nieces or nephews. When I was pregnant, my inexperience made me nervous. I knew nothing about babies - I didn't know how to hold a newborn, or change a diaper, or give a baby a bath, or breastfeed... etc, etc, etc. However, this anxiety over my lack of knowledge disappeared the moment Jamesie was born. Holding my newborn son against me right after he was born, I knew I could keep him safe. I quickly learned how to change a diaper, give a bath, and even breastfeed (albeit with some difficulties). I have gone from an overly-anxious mother of a newborn baby to a playful, more relaxed mother who blows raspberries (among many other embarrassing noises) at her 6 almost 7-month old son.
Jamesie can sit up on his own now! He has been wobbly for awhile, but one day he just stopped teetering and sat up straight and steady. It literally happened over night. (Shoutout to Lola & Stella for the pants! They are so soft and stylish!)
The joys of motherhood are endless, but the job is definitely a difficult one. Not long ago I was just a college student with so much ambition, but no real direction or idea of where I wanted to go or what I wanted to do. Then I found out I was pregnant and that became my future - my son.
I still don't know what I want to do, or where I will end up (who does?), and sometimes the not knowing can be discouraging... it can be frightening, too. And sometimes I let it get me down, but if one thing is for certain I am happy being "Mama." I know myself better now than I ever did while I was in college. I may not know where I will end up, but I do know that I have the best job in the world being Jamesie's mother. All the other stuff I haven't done... that stuff doesn't really matter in the long run anyways.
So many young people say they want to experience 'something' or do 'something' before they have children. I used to be one of those people, somehow thinking my life would be over once I had children. I know now that whatever that 'something' was that I wanted to do, it doesn't even compare to the comfort and accomplishment of bringing a new life to the world. That's the good stuff; the really fun part of life. In some ways, you get to be a kid again, and I can't imagine a better way to live. Can you?
Jamesie is obsessed with our dog, Rosie. She is the most gentle and loving dog I have ever come across, and she puts up with the pulling and hitting and yelling very nicely. They love each other.